Everyone asks me, "How do you do it?" or they say something like, "I dont know how you're doing it." Depending on my mood, my response is usually something like, "Well, I just do it. It's amazing what you can accomplish if you have to." or "It's hard, but I just push through. It's getting better and the boys are so great. I am really lucky." Those responses all genuinely reflect how I feel but the truth is lately I'm not "doing it."
Before I explain, let me give a full disclaimer: working full time and running a household with four young children is the most difficult thing I've ever done but I would not change a thing. This crazy life that Nate and I have made for ourselves is the best thing ever. It is a daily struggle but it is worth it times ten.
Back to the painful truth.. I don't feel like I'm "doing it" because I am exhausted and there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything I need to do. I don't feel like I can do anything 100% and there are days when I feel like a failure in some if not all aspects of my life. Some days I feel like I accomplish a lot at work but then I go home and nothing goes right - kids are whiny and unhappy, the house is a mess, Nate and I are not on the same page, etc. On the flip side, there are days when everyone is happy and healthy at home, but I can't get anything right at work. This is the story of my life and I have accepted it, but lately my patience and confidence is wearing thin.
Alexander has these fits and wants to be held a lot lately, I think that is what has been especially wearing on me. I blame it on the terrible two's but I'm sure he also feels like he has to compete against his brothers for attention. The babies have been passing around this virus too that makes them cranky and clingy. There is really nothing I can do about either of these things except for give them lots of love. But momma is getting tired and somehow admitting to the world that I can't do it all makes me feel better. So there, I'm not doing it. And we're going to be just fine.
That says it all! I remember similar feelings and I didn't have 4 so close in age. You just "do it"! Sending virtual hugs! Love to you all!
ReplyDeleteSomehow - and you have no idea how, but you get through the day, and before you know it there's another day ahead of you. You 'just' keep repeating this cycle, and then you wonder what the heck you're going to do when they all move out.
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