How do I do it?

Everyone asks me, "How do you do it?" or they say something like, "I dont know how you're doing it." Depending on my mood, my response is usually something like, "Well, I just do it. It's amazing what you can accomplish if you have to." or "It's hard, but I just push through. It's getting better and the boys are so great. I am really lucky." Those responses all genuinely reflect how I feel but the truth is lately I'm not "doing it."
Before I explain, let me give a full disclaimer: working full time and running a household with four young children is the most difficult thing I've ever done but I would not change a thing. This crazy life that Nate and I have made for ourselves is the best thing ever. It is a daily struggle but it is worth it times ten.

Back to the painful truth.. I don't feel like I'm "doing it" because I am exhausted and there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything I need to do. I don't feel like I can do anything 100% and there are days when I feel like a failure in some if not all aspects of my life. Some days I feel like I accomplish a lot at work but then I go home and nothing goes right - kids are whiny and unhappy, the house is a mess, Nate and I are not on the same page, etc. On the flip side, there are days when everyone is happy and healthy at home, but I can't get anything right at work. This is the story of my life and I have accepted it, but lately my patience and confidence is wearing thin.

Alexander has these fits and wants to be held a lot lately, I think that is what has been especially wearing on me. I blame it on the terrible two's but I'm sure he also feels like he has to compete against his brothers for attention. The babies have been passing around this virus too that makes them cranky and clingy. There is really nothing I can do about either of these things except for give them lots of love. But momma is getting tired and somehow admitting to the world that I can't do it all makes me feel better. So there, I'm not doing it. And we're going to be just fine.

A month later

Forgive me friends and family, for the last time I posted on this blog was a month ago. On June 9th, we moved out of the Nash/Anderson ranch to our new family of 6 Evans ranch. While we still have boxes to empty and pictures to put up, we feel right at home and very comfortable in our new house.

Unpacking the kids :)

The boys have been amazing during this transition, in fact us adults have probably had a harder time than they have. I can only attribute the kids' confidence and security to the past 9 months of love they have received from grandparents and other supporters at the former ranch. For this, Nate and I are eternally grateful.

Happy and loving each other for the moment!

The babies love their new space and are still exploring the house. Last night for the first time we watched the babies chase and laugh at each other in the kitchen. It was pure pleasure for Nate and I to watch them interact with and make each other happy. At 10 and a 1/2 months they are starting to acknowledge and entertain each other almost as much as they annoy each other.

Alexander has taken ownership of "my house" and although he has hit the terrible two's, he has been a trooper through all the changes he has endured. He has not only moved into a new house, but he has transitioned into a big boy toddler bed, started "school," started wearing underwear consistently and going potty in the toilet, and got a trendy new summer cut. All of this and he continues to be a big helper and sweet big brother. Yes, there are times when he it is clear he wants to rip a baby's head off for trying to take his toy, but he shows great self-control and we are so proud of him.

Outside watching daddy mow the grass. Let's hope he's still this interested when he's of lawn-mowing age.

I struggle daily with setting boundaries and establishing discipline for Alexander while making sure he gets a lot of love amidst the chaos at home. I have learned to praise him a lot when he has earned it and hug him a lot when he is struggling with how to express himself.

The triplets are so amazing. They are all crawling like crazy and pulling up on furniture at every opportunity. But each of them are special in different ways.

Benjamin is our biggest boy, the least agile but actually quite a quick crawler especially when he's in "chase me" mode. His biting has cut down, probably because we catch him and he responds to "No!" He chows down at dinner time, so much so that I am looking for where his food could possibly have gone. Benjamin is such a sweet boy and probably the most playful with Alexander.

Benjamin!

Theodore is still the most sensitive and needs lots of hugs, but he is also most prone to be playing in the corner by himself for extended periods of time. He has the best fine motor skills but is probably the most clumsy with gross motor skills like cruising and crawling. He is most sure to brighten your spirit with a smile and his fro anyday.

Theodore 

Did I mention Theo is the messiest eater??

Winston has been labeled the "alpha" because he is the toughest and acts as the leader, but he has lately also relished in lots in cuddles and kisses from momma. He is undeterred when Alexander scolds him from encroaching on his property because Winston is very focused and doesn't back down easily.

Winston

All four boys need cuddle time and I basically rotate them on my lap during play time. Someone always needs to calm down, needs some extra loving or comfort, and I am happy to provide it. They all respond to light-hearted fun and jokes. Remarkably they seem to be learning how to share. Alexander is learning how to "trade" toys that he wants for other ones to keep the babies pacified.

I am very proud of my boys and our new home. Come visit if you can!!