How do I do it?

Everyone asks me, "How do you do it?" or they say something like, "I dont know how you're doing it." Depending on my mood, my response is usually something like, "Well, I just do it. It's amazing what you can accomplish if you have to." or "It's hard, but I just push through. It's getting better and the boys are so great. I am really lucky." Those responses all genuinely reflect how I feel but the truth is lately I'm not "doing it."
Before I explain, let me give a full disclaimer: working full time and running a household with four young children is the most difficult thing I've ever done but I would not change a thing. This crazy life that Nate and I have made for ourselves is the best thing ever. It is a daily struggle but it is worth it times ten.

Back to the painful truth.. I don't feel like I'm "doing it" because I am exhausted and there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything I need to do. I don't feel like I can do anything 100% and there are days when I feel like a failure in some if not all aspects of my life. Some days I feel like I accomplish a lot at work but then I go home and nothing goes right - kids are whiny and unhappy, the house is a mess, Nate and I are not on the same page, etc. On the flip side, there are days when everyone is happy and healthy at home, but I can't get anything right at work. This is the story of my life and I have accepted it, but lately my patience and confidence is wearing thin.

Alexander has these fits and wants to be held a lot lately, I think that is what has been especially wearing on me. I blame it on the terrible two's but I'm sure he also feels like he has to compete against his brothers for attention. The babies have been passing around this virus too that makes them cranky and clingy. There is really nothing I can do about either of these things except for give them lots of love. But momma is getting tired and somehow admitting to the world that I can't do it all makes me feel better. So there, I'm not doing it. And we're going to be just fine.

A month later

Forgive me friends and family, for the last time I posted on this blog was a month ago. On June 9th, we moved out of the Nash/Anderson ranch to our new family of 6 Evans ranch. While we still have boxes to empty and pictures to put up, we feel right at home and very comfortable in our new house.

Unpacking the kids :)

The boys have been amazing during this transition, in fact us adults have probably had a harder time than they have. I can only attribute the kids' confidence and security to the past 9 months of love they have received from grandparents and other supporters at the former ranch. For this, Nate and I are eternally grateful.

Happy and loving each other for the moment!

The babies love their new space and are still exploring the house. Last night for the first time we watched the babies chase and laugh at each other in the kitchen. It was pure pleasure for Nate and I to watch them interact with and make each other happy. At 10 and a 1/2 months they are starting to acknowledge and entertain each other almost as much as they annoy each other.

Alexander has taken ownership of "my house" and although he has hit the terrible two's, he has been a trooper through all the changes he has endured. He has not only moved into a new house, but he has transitioned into a big boy toddler bed, started "school," started wearing underwear consistently and going potty in the toilet, and got a trendy new summer cut. All of this and he continues to be a big helper and sweet big brother. Yes, there are times when he it is clear he wants to rip a baby's head off for trying to take his toy, but he shows great self-control and we are so proud of him.

Outside watching daddy mow the grass. Let's hope he's still this interested when he's of lawn-mowing age.

I struggle daily with setting boundaries and establishing discipline for Alexander while making sure he gets a lot of love amidst the chaos at home. I have learned to praise him a lot when he has earned it and hug him a lot when he is struggling with how to express himself.

The triplets are so amazing. They are all crawling like crazy and pulling up on furniture at every opportunity. But each of them are special in different ways.

Benjamin is our biggest boy, the least agile but actually quite a quick crawler especially when he's in "chase me" mode. His biting has cut down, probably because we catch him and he responds to "No!" He chows down at dinner time, so much so that I am looking for where his food could possibly have gone. Benjamin is such a sweet boy and probably the most playful with Alexander.

Benjamin!

Theodore is still the most sensitive and needs lots of hugs, but he is also most prone to be playing in the corner by himself for extended periods of time. He has the best fine motor skills but is probably the most clumsy with gross motor skills like cruising and crawling. He is most sure to brighten your spirit with a smile and his fro anyday.

Theodore 

Did I mention Theo is the messiest eater??

Winston has been labeled the "alpha" because he is the toughest and acts as the leader, but he has lately also relished in lots in cuddles and kisses from momma. He is undeterred when Alexander scolds him from encroaching on his property because Winston is very focused and doesn't back down easily.

Winston

All four boys need cuddle time and I basically rotate them on my lap during play time. Someone always needs to calm down, needs some extra loving or comfort, and I am happy to provide it. They all respond to light-hearted fun and jokes. Remarkably they seem to be learning how to share. Alexander is learning how to "trade" toys that he wants for other ones to keep the babies pacified.

I am very proud of my boys and our new home. Come visit if you can!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE JEFFREY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE JEFFREY!!

Proud momma keep on rollin

We hit another milestone this week as the triplets turned 9 months old and the last to crawl finally decided to get up and go (Go Benjamin!) I am so proud of all my boys. The babies are good eaters although we have a picky one emerging. I swear all they want to do is eat what we are eating. Whereas it was heart-wrenching to wean Alexander off of the bottle at 1 year, I have a feeling it won't be as bad with these tough guys. They want to hang with big brother and bottles seem to get in the way. 3 more months, I will be glad to toss those forever!

All 3 are crawling at different speeds; think of a tortoise, a hare and some cute little animal in between (that would be Theodore :). All are sleeping well at night and have two solids naps during the day.

I am also proud that all 3 are pacifier free as well. I don't judge people who use them by any means, I just personally hate the darn things and never wanted to get them attached. So although the boys have never used them during the day, we had one last hold out who seemed dependent on it at night time (Benjamin again!) But last week we took it away cold turkey and he has been a champ.

At their 9 month appointment, Winston came in at 22lbs13oz and 29", Theodore was 23lbs6oz and 31.25", and Benjamin topped the percentile charts at 26lbs 30.25". They are all on track developmentally but I can't imagine what our 1 year visit is going to be like with these 3 guys all up on the doctor's table together. It was hard to keep them all up there safely, especially my wild child Winston!

Alexander continues to be such a trooper and I hope I never take that for granted. We move into our new home in 2 weeks and I worry the most for him. The babies will adjust but Alexander has grown so close to his extended family, I know he will miss them dearly. He loves, and I love watching him, making the rounds at night to say 'good night' to his grandparents and great-grandparents before bedtime. When we move we may have to call for the 'good nights' and kisses, but I know it won't be the same. I think Alexander's return to daycare is so important because he will have something that is his own and we can have special time together to/from school. I hope we get lots of visitors at our home this summer (HINT HINT) so he will feel special and attended to during this transition.

I am also proud of my brave grandpa who fought in the Korean War. Happy Memorial Day everyone.

Splish splash!

I have been working up the courage to put all three babies in the bath at the same time and this week we finally did it. All three had a blast splishing and splashing and getting water everywhere!

Theodore, Benjamin and Winston

Big brother Alexander helped momma wash them too.

Two of the babies are mobile and crawling all over the place (Theodore and Winston.)  Benjamin is content with just sitting and watching them roam around. He is such a big guy, his mobility is pretty much limited to rolling around like a beached whale.



Winston and Theodore exploring

Although we are crazy busy right now, life is good and all four boys are happy. We have a new nanny coming on Monday for the babies - everyone cross your fingers that she is strong and patient enough to handle these boys!

Tough times

This week has been tougher than usual, physically and mentally. My work has been very intense and will be for the next 24 days. For those that don't know, I am working to get the local school systems' budget passed, which is requesting an additional $35million and require a tax increase. Our board took the very unique action of passing a resolution fully in support of this budget so that means all of my energy and time that is not dedicated to taking care of family, must be dedicated to getting this passed. The business community has a huge stake in getting this passed, and our community does too, but unfortunately it has been an uphill battle in this very conservative county with a mayor who is adamantly opposed. This is really my first time in a political campaign where I am fully invested and pushing on all fronts, all stakeholders, all avenues to get this accomplished. I have to remind myself to not take things personally, but it is hard when it impacts you and the future education of your 4 kids too. (If you're interested in learning more about this, go to http://www.bethebestknox.com/.)

So work has been emotionally and mentally draining, the boys are good but towards the end of the week got sick, in the middle of the week the nanny declared she is quitting to take care of her sick son, so that meant I immediately had to find and interview nannies by myself because, oh yeah, Nate went away for 3 nights/4 days for work. Phew. Just typing all of this makes me tired.

There have been mornings this week where I feel sick to my stomach because of everything going on and the imbalance of pressure on me. I go to bed exhausted but all amped up because I know the immense challenge before me the next day. So I suck it up and press on because there is no time to sulk and feeling sorry for myself doesn't help a thing.

As I was speed-walking across downtown to make a luncheon, I realized everything in my life before now was just preparation for this moment. I look back and think of all the physical and mental struggles with which I've been faced: family divorces, moves, state tournaments in basketball and softball, break-ups, the summer I took the job at the Chamber, took the bar, and then got married, having all those babies in 3 years, etc. Those were all hurdles I faced and now I am stronger because of them. When people ask how I do what I'm doing now, it's hard to explain because I have the strength of all of those experiences behind me. You just do it.

But all those things were "practice" for my life. And now the stakes are so much higher. I only get one shot at making sure these kids are healthy and happy. I may only have one shot to get 1 of the top 100 largest school system's 5-year plan funded and give my and other local kids a chance to compete against their peers in the world. So I will try my hardest and when this experience is over, it will prepare me for the next.

For now, I will remain grateful for those 4 smiling faces I am greeted with when I get home in the evening. They make my world go round and make the toughest days just melt away.

2/3 of the way there!

We have been saying when the babies reach one year we will have made it. Well this week we reached 8 months so we are 2/3 of the way there. It is hard to believe. Each of the triplet's personalities are distinct and they are just dying to get up and go, more so than I remember Alexander being motivated to move at that age. That's probably due to the fact that they see him running around and they want to join him. Life was much slower back then, with one baby and a much quieter household. With one child nights seemed slower and more peaceful playing with Alexander. Now it is so fast paced and chaotic, we have to always be on our game.

At 26 months, ALEXANDER has definitely hit the "terrible two's" but it is more like the "trying two's." It's not exactly terrible but there are some moments where it seems like he is just trying us and pushing us to our limits to get a rise out of us. I can't figure out if its a response to sharing attention with the babies or his age. In any case, those times are still fewer than the good ones. When he is behaving, it is such a joy to hang out with him. He talks in full sentences and is very helpful, helping with the babies' bath time or taking out trash. We have conversations and he really understands them. It is harder to pull one over on him now too; we can't distract him from doing something we don't want to do with a simple command. He wants to know "why?" or "what's that?" He is definitely momma's boy though, every night he has gotten into this habit of asking me to rub his back. I usually give in because I know how good it feels and I know there will come a day when he won't ask anymore. He is still an excellent eater, you can definitely tell by his size that he doesn't miss too many meals. :)

At 8 months, BENJAMIN is such a loving boy with a chubby face and mouth full of crooked teeth. He is by far the heaviest little guy but also a real softie. He loves to dance and be thrown up in the air. Benjamin has a little stubborn streak in him though, he will straighen his body out instantly when he is not liking what is going on, which sometimes means he bumps his head on whatever is behind him. When he's done eating too, he is seriously done eating and he will let you know. He loves kisses and will break out into laughter that makes you laugh too.

At 8 months, THEODORE is the closest to crawling. He can get around by kind of dragging himself, a little like an army crawl. He still has punk rock hair that sticks straight up like Alexander's did. He has the least amount of teeth, right now he is stuck at two bottom teeth, and 1 1/2 trying to come out up top. Theodore is definitely our most sensitive boy. He doesn't like being tossed around like the other two and he holds very tight when you are holding him. He is also the only one that seems very nervous about Alexander. The other two just adore Alexander and watch his every move. Theodore definitely shows fear that he might be crushed by the big brother monster! But Theodore is not all innocent - he is infamous for stealing the other guys' toys. They look at me as if to ask "what are you going to do about him, mom?!"

At 8 months, WINSTON has the biggest smile with 6 big teeth and is still the leanest of the three. He also holds tight when you hold him and he is always trying to find a way to stand up. He has been showing this serious face lately. It's not sad or angry, just very serious and thoughtful about everything going on around him. He also likes to dance and spin around. Winston doesn't laugh very often, but when he does you know you are special and that he loves you.

All 3 babies will be crawling in no time. I find them all rocking on their fours and then splat! They are all great eaters and sleepers, too. We are especially lucky for both of those things. They also all have great motor skills, some better at some things than others. All are babbling and all of them try to pull up on me and when they all do at the same time, it's a funny sight. They are all definitely momma's boys. Yesterday we introduced cups and finger foods. They have no idea what to do with either.